Rediscovering My Femininity

A few weeks ago I was in Walmart scanning the aisle to find a bottle of lotion (you know, because I had no life) and I was faced with a dilemma.  On one hand I could get the cheap big bottle of lotion that reminded me of potpourri that had been sitting out for 3 years or I could get the expensive little bottle that smelled like warm vanilla sugar and sunshine. You see, the problem was that I was fighting back and forth between an economical, practical, more bang for your buck choice and the "I want to feel and smell like a fancy girl" choice. Sounds silly and yes there bigger things in this world to be concerned about but, for the moment, I missed my femininity.

 It had left somewhere between 2011 and 2013. Not even because I have a few marriage years behind me and I popped out a couple of kids (okay maybe a little).  But because I've finally came to a point in my life where I'm comfortable with myself ,which is not a bad place to be. So all the years I spent plastering my face with makeup in hopes it would hide my insecurity, they were gone. I no longer make a beeline for the cosmetic aisle to find the next new product that would all of a sudden change everything about the way I looked.

Some days I do pretty well and make an extra effort to do my hair and pick out a cute outfit. But most days I'm trying to find a t-shirt that matches my jammie pants in case someone comes over in the middle of the day. That way I won't look completely ridiculous....

It's the small things that can make a huge difference. For me, it was paying more for an ultra girly smelling lotion. For some women, it means buying underwear that doesn't come in a pack of 8. We all need that little something that makes us feel a little extra "wowza!". So on the rare occasions when we get to go out on a date or a night with the girls, we'll be ready...

 

The 5 Stages of My Martial Arguements.

I keep discovering how ridiculous I am when it comes to arguments or disagreements, more specifically with my husband. In fact I have developed stages of the post-argument that I would like to share....

The 1st Stage involves me leaving the area of the argument so I don't go all rage-a-holic crazy on the man and say something that I might seriously regret later. The place of choice is usually the bedroom or the bathroom. My options are pretty limited with kids.

Stage 2 is where I analyze the argument and imagine how I could have done better. If I got a second chance, I would have said this or done this and so on. It also gives me an opportunity to process what was said by both parties and decide whether to let it go or move onto stage 3.

Stage 3 is used to build up my confidence and get myself prepared for round two because at some point your going to have to face the music and revisit the argument. I usually use this stage to come up with about 5 strong zingers such as "Well I guess our discussion is over because your just a perfect human being" or  "It's too bad that you don't appreciate me because I've ALWAYS appreciated you". The point of  this is that when you start to feel like your losing the argument, you pull out a zinger and it's supposed to shut them right up because of the powerful and direct honesty of the statement. But you only have a few seconds so once you say it, you have to hightail it out of the room in case he comes up with something better. *bow* and *scene*.

At Stage 4 you can just use your imagination and pretend that you came up with the perfect zinger, the husband was left in the room feeling totally disgusted with himself and full of conviction, and you sit and wait until he finds you ready to apologize for his behavior.

At Stage 5 after all that processing, I am locked and loaded. Got my zinger tucked away in my holster and I am ready for action. So I usually weave my way around the house avoiding any area he might be in but always armed and ready. This is a good excuse to do those chores that need done. You see, if I keep myself busy then I don't have to be the one to initiate anything. Plus I'm always "in the area" in case he decides he wants to apologize.


Lastly we come to the conclusion which is usually connected straight to Stage 1. After all that time spent stewing and coming up with a plan, it never happens how I imagined. I don't get a second chance to redo the argument, I never used my perfect zinger, and we both end up feeling convicted for our behavior. When we've recollected ourselves, we come together and discuss our misunderstanding. And that's almost always what it is. A simple misunderstanding.