The 5 Stages of My Martial Arguements.

I keep discovering how ridiculous I am when it comes to arguments or disagreements, more specifically with my husband. In fact I have developed stages of the post-argument that I would like to share....

The 1st Stage involves me leaving the area of the argument so I don't go all rage-a-holic crazy on the man and say something that I might seriously regret later. The place of choice is usually the bedroom or the bathroom. My options are pretty limited with kids.

Stage 2 is where I analyze the argument and imagine how I could have done better. If I got a second chance, I would have said this or done this and so on. It also gives me an opportunity to process what was said by both parties and decide whether to let it go or move onto stage 3.

Stage 3 is used to build up my confidence and get myself prepared for round two because at some point your going to have to face the music and revisit the argument. I usually use this stage to come up with about 5 strong zingers such as "Well I guess our discussion is over because your just a perfect human being" or  "It's too bad that you don't appreciate me because I've ALWAYS appreciated you". The point of  this is that when you start to feel like your losing the argument, you pull out a zinger and it's supposed to shut them right up because of the powerful and direct honesty of the statement. But you only have a few seconds so once you say it, you have to hightail it out of the room in case he comes up with something better. *bow* and *scene*.

At Stage 4 you can just use your imagination and pretend that you came up with the perfect zinger, the husband was left in the room feeling totally disgusted with himself and full of conviction, and you sit and wait until he finds you ready to apologize for his behavior.

At Stage 5 after all that processing, I am locked and loaded. Got my zinger tucked away in my holster and I am ready for action. So I usually weave my way around the house avoiding any area he might be in but always armed and ready. This is a good excuse to do those chores that need done. You see, if I keep myself busy then I don't have to be the one to initiate anything. Plus I'm always "in the area" in case he decides he wants to apologize.


Lastly we come to the conclusion which is usually connected straight to Stage 1. After all that time spent stewing and coming up with a plan, it never happens how I imagined. I don't get a second chance to redo the argument, I never used my perfect zinger, and we both end up feeling convicted for our behavior. When we've recollected ourselves, we come together and discuss our misunderstanding. And that's almost always what it is. A simple misunderstanding.